It's time to take ownership of who I was. It's time for me to put a name to things in my past so I can stop living in fear of repeating them or fear of them being thrown at me so I continue to feel shame.
The enemy wants me to stop living, yes physically he is out to seek, kill, and destroy... but emotionally too. He wants me to live in the darkness with him. He wants to continue to whisper my failures and faults in my ear like deadly sweet nothings. He wants me to be so scared of my future that I stop creating one and stay inside the walls I've built up.
But, I refuse. I refuse to get depressed. I refuse to live in the darkness. I refuse to let my past self keep me from becoming who I was created to be.
I feel in order to take control of my life now I need to take control of my past, and that means owning up to who I was. Not excusing them as sin for sin or pointing blame to other circumstances. Not being passive about my mistakes or minimizing them, but putting a name to them. This takes away the power the enemy thinks he has over me to live in fear and shame.
So, its time. I've not been a great person. I've tried really hard and then sometimes not so much- but I've failed over and over. I've lied. I've cheated, had inappropriate relationships. I abandoned my marriage. Lived in offence. I've not been a good friend. And the list goes on... I'm sure some of you can add to it.
But its time to believe this truth deep in my bones.