Oh, the
difference a year can make. New Year's Eve is my favorite holiday. It's always
made my spirit feel alive. Everyone is still high off the lingering Christmas
Spirit, and just days after I enter a new year of age, we all turn the calendar
to a new year. I know it's just another day, but it's 24 hours where most of
this planet is celebrating, and when I take time to evaluate all that has
happened the years prior, I get excited at the possibilities of the next.
A
few years ago, when we were entering 2011, I sent out about 20 break up tweets
to 2010. I had been laid off from my job, I was separated from my husband, I
was in love and completely heartbroken, and was living life as the worst
version of myself. Life was a mess, and I couldn't wait to see that year take a
hike. Last year I wrote a piece and reflected on my 2016, its unexpected
kindness, incredible life changes, and mostly joy.
As
Christmas rapidly approaches, as well as my 32nd birthday, I've been reflecting
on all that has been 2017. My family has struggled with a few losses and we
have been watching my 89 year old grandmother’s memory disappear in front of our
eyes. I had a few court dates that ended with mostly resolution and am now
co-parenting very well. I made new friends that I believe will be everlasting
as well as reunited with family that at one point I feared were forever lost. I
believe this has been a year of coming into my own, as the author Brene Brown
says, I've learned to “brave the wilderness” in many ways from politics,
spirituality to personal development. I've left the comfort of what I've always
been taught to be true and decided what I believe to be true. I've experienced
an incredible amount of spiritual growth, deconstruction and reconstruction,
which has been escorted in by self inventory & awareness. I've come to
understand the differences between who I've been told I am, who I am not, and
who I actually am...and the best part is I'm pretty happy with the result and
continuing to work on the parts I'm not.
I
heard recently that it takes a year to be comfortably single, and I think
that's true. I've gone on over 25 first dates this year. Over 25 first date
outfits. Over 25 times I gave the rundown on the new guy to my girlfriends and
over 25 times I had to then say 'nevermind..." About 10 times I've told
the longer version of my story and about 9 times they walked away from it, and
1 time that I did. All of these dates, only a handful of second dates, honestly
very few bad dates, however none were never ending. Over 25 dates and for the
first time the idea of being in a relationship is equally as terrifying as the
idea of never being in one again.
So
now here we are, 2018 peeking over the horizon, and while I won’t say I've made
New Year resolutions, I will say I am posturing myself in a way to experience
life as it comes; to stop chasing things other than development, joy and
peacefulness. Sure, I'd love to lose 12 lbs, and keep a cleaner house,
and eat right, and read all of the books...but none of these things will make
me a good human.
2018 will be about rolling with the punches
with grace. It will be focused on intentional screen time rather than a knee
jerk reaction to 1 second of un-busy. This year will be less about
dating, and more about letting love come to me when it's ready, meanwhile being
a good steward of the relationships that sow into me so well. I always hope to
stumble upon a lifelong love, however I have a guaranteed lifetime of me and
need to be sure I honor it. This year I hope to understand my kids
individualism more and love my family well.. I
hope to take trips, maybe go on an adventure, but most of all just be as
present as I can be with whatever greets me along the way. Cheers, my friends.
I hope this year loves you well; be good humans this year.
you
will find your way.
it
isin the
same place
as
your love.
-seek
(nayyirah
waheed)
