where to begin...
It's very complicated, he and I. Our relationship is the best it's been in probably 11 or 12 years. I am soooo greatful for that. He's drawn the short straw many times...chosen the short straw a few times too. There have been many consequences he has suffered because of some of those choices.
Some he still suffers today.
Some he's turned into things of beauty.
I love my Dad.
I remember thinking when I was a kid he was the strongest man on the earth. I remember telling him he should run for president... lol what a terrible idea...
I remember him playing guitar while my brother, mom and I danced on our front porch while it rained outside.
I remember how proud he's always been of my brothers. Especially when they joined the marines.
HaHa and how after he'd taken my brother for his first tattoo and me to get my belly button pierced saying "my dad takes me for all our body modifications :)" we laughed a lot.
I remember when he asked me to forgive him for all his mistakes. all the short straws he chose that affected my life.
I remember going to an AA meeting with him and never being more proud of him.
Yesterday I bought a ticket to Maryland. It started out because I needed to get away. I really want to see my sister play soccer. she's beautiful. You'll meet her soon. I talked with my brother and her and found an amazing ticket for only $99! so I booked a flight. Going September 6th. We weren't going to tell my dad, it was a surprise. A good surprise.
then today. today I get a surprise.
Today I talked to my dad and he told me Tuesday he's having surgery. he's getting a heart catheter and possibly stints, they will decide during surgery.
My dad is a big man. He's been through a lot. He can handle a lot. Even talking to him online, I could tell he wasn't ok. He's worried. I decided to tell him about my plan... which killleedd me because I sooo wanted to surprise him... I changed my ticket and am flying out Monday morning to be there for the surgery Tuesday and to take care of my father through the week.
God I just pray for...well, me. There are times I just DON'T want to be a grown up and right now is one.
I lift my dad up to you Father. keep him safe. give him peace that this ain't no thang. He's a big boy and can take whatever is sent his way.
Bless the time I have with my family. My dad, gram, brothers and sister. I love them all so much. Other wounds we have-heal us. and God, please give me time to rest.