Goodbye to 32

For months I've wanted to write. Every. single. day. I think about writing, but I just can't find the thing to write about. I've written about my experience with #metoo, but decided not to share publicly. I've started writing a handful of pieces, but none to completion. I've written love letters, approximately 854,954 emails for work, and an ungodly amount of text messages...but I haven't written blogs like I have in the years past. The reasons could be many, but here I am saying my goodbye to 32, feeling quite buttery and in love reflecting on the last 12 months. Some write Annual Family Christmas letters, I write Annual Family Christmas blogs.

I've never shied away from sharing my online dating tales...and there are MANY to be told, but by Feb 2018 my heart was just too tired. I shut it all down and decided I was going to spend this year doing what I wanted. I wanted to get emotionally healthy, I wanted to learn to be confident in who I am as a person, to travel, to do all things I wanted to do and no longer wait on a partner to do them.  I was learning to be content with myself, and I did just that. I got into therapy, I took myself on dates, and I booked a solo vacation to San Francisco. That's right, I had BIG plans for me, myself, and I.

At the end of March, my kids and I were doing our normal Sunday routine at the Pearl Farmers Market, enjoying the warm sun and some delicious kettle corn, when we ran into some old friends.  My friend Rey was hanging out with Corey, someone I've distantly known for nearly 15 years. My kids played freely while Rey, Corey, and I sat and talked for over 4 hours. We had church together on that beautiful March day at the Pearl. We talked about life, the deep heartache of divorce, the enneagram, faith, relationships, and everything in between.  Although Corey and I had known each other for many years, I don't recall ever having an actual conversation with him until that day...and every single day since.

We entered into an incredible friendship that, quite cautiously, developed into a beautiful companionship. We have intentionally created a space of total freedom, security, and stability, that continuously champions each other to be ourselves and to achieve all the goals we have individually as well as the life we intend to build together. The past 9 months together have been full of vulnerability, transparency, adventure, Missions baseball games, total silliness, a LOT of tamales, music, new friends, laughter induced belly aches, and incredible joy. I'm very much in love with this old acquaintance of mine.  Who ever would have thought... NOT US! We laugh about it often, and we are so grateful.

This year I went to Colorado to meet my perfect baby nephew, Carson. I went on my life-altering solo trip to San Francisco. I visited my family in Dallas, and went on my annual girls trip to Rockport, TX. I explored Washington, DC with my Companion, and took a 30 hour trip to Los Angeles with one of my dearest friends, just to see a concert.

This year I paid off my car, my daughter is reading SO well, had teeth fall out of her head, and completed her first dance recital. My son gave gymnastics and karate the ol' college try while in his last year before Kindergarten. I set much needed boundaries with family members and friends. I've attempted to support my mom as she has been the unwavering family strength, as she cares for my grandmother with dementia and my step dad who was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year- I'm SO happy to say was just cleared of all cancer cells. WAHOO!

This year I saw quite a few concerts, shed a LOT of tears (as always).  I'm continuing to learn how to deal with emotional abuse and co-parenting. I listened to a lot of TED talks and Podcasts. I've leaned into positive body image, all that Brene Brown teaches, and am finally reading through my beloved Harry Potter books... even though my cousin Kailyn, 'CANNOT BELIEVE' I haven't read them yet... I'm working on it! I'm obviously still learning not to use commas like confetti. I did yoga with goats and changed my headlights 2 times...there is obviously an issue going on there.  I completed my 2nd & 3rd seasons with the mighty Purple Squirrels as a terrible 3rd baseman, but signed a lifetime contract so they're stuck with me. I finally filled in the flower piece on my arm, and got another tattoo while I was in San Francisco that reminds me to "keep soft, warrior."

I only have a few hours left at 32.  My mom will soon remind me that at 4 am, I came too quickly into this world for an epidural, and I will flutter my eyelashes and say "sorrrryyyyy."  I know my 33rd year will come with a whole world of change and challenges, but man, I am here for it...with these people by my side, I cannot lose.

Peace and Big Big Love, my friends.

Rhonda